The Black Baron

Signs of life...

2011-06-23T09:35:00.000-04:00

Somewhere in the dim recesses of an old abandoned factory floor a light snaps on, flickering fitfully for a moment before giving a low steady gleam...

In that yellow glimmer a figure can be seen moving about rummaging through tool boxes and bins, shifting the collected debris off various work benches, keeping things that would be useful and tossing the rest, working through the tasks one would expect of someone getting ready to do a job...

Time passes...

Work appears to be progressing, more lights are lit, casting their yellow/white glare over part of the factory floor, some of the machinery has been taken apart, pieces strewn over the various workbenches and sections of the floor, from somewhere in the back the sound of hammering rings out, the clatter of something metallic being dropped onto the cement floor, the squeal of rusted metal being coaxed into being cooperative, and, of all things, the sound of someone quietly whistling "Winter Wrap Up"...

A brief message from the Baron.

2011-04-28T11:03:00.003-04:00

Equestria Daily.

Rainbow Dash Network
MLP: FiM on Youtube.
Ponychan

That is all for now, carry on.

I got nothing.

2011-01-29T23:57:00.002-05:00

I think it's safe to assume that, for the foreseeable future, I'm not going to be posting anything.

Not that it really matters much anyway, aside from people looking for a certain movie or stumbling across it by accident, no one even bothers looking at this mess, myself included.

I'm sure that, at some point, I may get the urge to try to be funny again, or try to relate a story that may or may not have actually happened, or impart some wisdom of dubious pedigree, or something, but for now... I got nothing.

From the files of the Black Baron: Casefile #101225 - Lesser Barons

2010-12-25T17:54:00.001-05:00

Since search engines tend to bring folks here looking for other items sharing my title, so I decided, in my infinite wisdom, to post links to a few others that share my title... if not my infamy.

Michael Wittmann, German tank commander during World War 2.

Robert Munro, 18th Baron of Foulis in Scotland.

18th Aviation Brigade of the United States Army. (inactive)

The Birmingham Black Barons, professional Negro League baseball team from 1920 to 1960.

Brabus E V12 Black Baron, modified 2010 E-Class Mercedes Benz.

Red Army March - White Army, Black Baron performed by the Red Army Choir.

Technical Difficulties

2010-11-15T22:08:00.002-05:00

Due to financial circumstances beyond our control we've already lost our phone & TV, and we will most likely be without internet access for the foreseeable future starting either tuesday (10/16) or wednesday (10/17).

I'll try to get someplace I can check my e-mail when time allows, so if you write to me don't expect an instantaneous reply.

I'm hoping this will be a temporary setback but barring a windfall this will be it for at least a few weeks.

Update (11/23/10): Not much to say at this point, things haven't improved any and don't look to be changing any time soon.

Its safe to say at this point that I hate my life.

Update (11/24/10): Thanks to the timely aid of a very good friend I'm back, larger than life and twice as ugly... but I do still hate my life.

All right you primitive screwheads, listen up!

2010-10-30T14:53:00.001-04:00

This is a heads-up from your beloved Baron!

On Sunday November 7 at 8:00 pm ET, Turner Classic Movies will be showing the recently refound and restored version of Metropolis, having restored to the film much of what had been lost earlier in the 20th century due to ham-handed executive meddling.

So, if you're a fan of the great grand-daddy of modern science fiction you'll be there on November 7th with popcorn in hand.

Metropolis

Metropolis - The Restoration

Metropolis Refound

Be there, or else.

And Now For Something Completely Different.

2010-10-27T12:10:00.003-04:00

Since absolutely no one has asked for it, but it is mentioned in the banner, I give you...

...an exploding frog!

The Black Baron's Random Fact of the Unspecified Time Period - #33

2010-08-30T15:57:00.000-04:00

In California it is against the law for any vehicle without a driver to exceed 60 miles per hour.

Hey look, something not entirely unlike a blog post!

2010-08-13T21:59:00.001-04:00

I'm not dead yet, just give me a bit to whomp up something that's actually readable and not liberally laced with profanity and random keyboard bashings.

Observations.

2010-08-01T22:31:00.002-04:00

The Black Baron's Random Fact of the Unspecified Time Period - #32

2010-06-27T18:59:00.002-04:00

The Eisenhower interstate system requires that 1 mile in every 5 must be straight.

These straight sections are usable as airstrips in emergency situations.

The last thing I remember...

2010-06-14T19:00:00.002-04:00

...is screaming...

...and I'm not sure who it was.

From the files of the Black Baron: Casefile #100529 - "Service... what's that?"

2010-05-30T13:08:00.002-04:00

This will be a short post since I'm still having trouble believing it myself.

Just a bit of setup before the payoff...

The lab assistant and myself ventured forth to a local eatery called "McCobb's" that specializes in various sorts of deep-fried comestibles and a uniquely New Jersey invention called a Texas Wiener, of which the lab assistant wanted to get herself a couple of with onion rings and for myself I just wanted some fish & chips.

Upon arriving at the establishment we perused the menu to make sure our original choices were what we wanted before making our way to the counter to place the order where this exchange took place...

The lab assistant: "Are your onion rings battered or breaded?"

Counter Drone: *with a look of utter bewilderment on her face* "I'm not sure... What's the difference?"

Lab assistant and myself: "..." *stunned silence accompanied by staring at the counter drone*

Counter Drone: "I'll have to go ask the cook."

Lab assistant and myself: "..." *stunned silence accompanied by staring at the counter drone followed by mad laughter once the drone vanished into the kitchen*

I swear by all that is holy that I was literally unable to speak when she asked that, my brain had completely locked up under the sheer mass of stupidity hidden behind such a simple question.

I could weep for the future of this world if it would stop making me laugh at it so I could catch my breath.

Andy Rooney said it...

2010-05-13T19:07:00.003-04:00

And I agree with it wholeheartedly...

"I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except numbers. The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America. Try to have things like the United Caucasian College Fund, Cloud Magazine, White Entertainment Television, or Miss White America; and see what happens... Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your door.

Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.

I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason, which is why there are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts! ARE YOU LISTENING MARTHA BURKE?

I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it is an opinion.

I have the right 'NOT' to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird, or tick me off.

When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of the population is black, that is not racial profiling; it is the Law of Probability.

I believe that if you are selling me a milkshake, a pack of cigarettes, a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English! As a matter of fact, if you want to be an American citizen, you should have to speak English!

My father and grandfather didn't die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours.

I think the police should have every right to shoot you if you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word 'freeze' or 'stop' in English, see the above lines...

I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are qualified for any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loans or tax breaks, etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, trinket store, or any other business.

We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms, so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constitution is a living document and open to their interpretations.

I don't hate the rich; I don't pity the poor.

I know pro wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television. That doesn't stop you from watching them.

I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating system that's better, and put your name on the building.

It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a parent to stand up to the kid and say 'NO!' when necessary.

I think tattoos and piercings are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement. And, please, stay home until that new lip ring heals. I don't want to look at your ugly infected mouth as you serve me French fries!

I am sick of "Political Correctness". I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa, so how can they be "African-Americans"? Besides, Africa is a continent. I don't go around saying I am a European-American because my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was
from Europe. I am proud to be from America and nowhere else.

And if you don't like my point of view, tough..."

Couldn't have put it any better myself.

Interlude...

2010-05-05T14:37:00.001-04:00

From Butternut Squash

Ummm... Yeah...

2010-04-25T15:31:00.001-04:00

Just pretend I posted something witty & sarcastic here...

I'll think of something later.

The Black Baron's Random Fact of the Unspecified Time Period - #31

2010-03-28T16:45:00.001-04:00

Dolphins and Humans are the only mammals that have sex for pleasure.

From the files of the Black Baron: Casefile #100313 - Conundrum

2010-03-13T20:43:00.001-05:00

On the same trip that led me to those most interesting wrenches I mentioned in a previous missive I also discovered a certain item that, while I didn't care to purchase it, intrigued me as to it's use and purpose...

Listed on it's tag simply as a "wooden press" and I cannot, for the life of me, figure out what in the nine hells it is... and the shop owner was equally bewildered by the device and as such could offer no suggestions of his own.

It is constructed of wood with brass fittings, the handle shows signs of wear at the edges from where one's hand would be in contact with it but there are no other markings or signs of use anywhere else on it aside from those that show where the brass had been in contact with the wood for some time which can be clearly seen in the photos.

As if it had been left in the open position for a considerable length of time for some reason.

So, I put it to you, the few that actually stop by once in a while to read this tripe, to help me figure out what this blasted thing is so I can put it from my mind move on to more important matters... like fine-tuning the edge on the most excellent Ka-Bar I got for my natal anniversary and figuring out how to weaponize a 1976 AMC Gremlin on a budget.

Recent Acquisitions

2010-03-07T22:52:00.006-05:00

This past friday I was able to take delivery of two of three items I've been waiting a couple months to receive.

My lab assistant's offspring and part-time minion (when she's not in college) was able to procure these two lovelies for me, for only $16 for them both.

The larger of the two (mama) is twelve inches long and the smaller one (junior) is eight inches, they are in remarkably good shape for their age with no rust and the wooden scales intact, though junior's are slightly loose due to the wood shrinking a bit over time and the back of mama's head is well mushroomed on one side due to someone in the past mistaking it for a hammer.

I just wiped the dust off them with a rag, didn't need anything else done to them.

They were discovered in a small antique shop in New York state as a pair of twelve inch and a single eight inch monkey wrenches back in january, unfortunately when they were picked up last week there were only enough funds to cover this pair, but I'm promised the delivery of papa at the end of the school year.

Closer examination of mama revealed her lineage and some idea of her possible age.

The markings are a bit more legible then they appear in the pics, this side reads:

Coes
Wrench Co.
Worcester
Mass.

The opposite side is marked:

L. Coes
PATD
July 6 1880
July 8 1884

Junior is marked only on one side with:

Stronghold
P S & W Co.
USA

No idea of a possible age though...

Now, if memory serves, papa is a match to mama but without being so badly mushroomed on the back of the head, I'll know for sure when it eventually arrives here.

I have plans for all three, once I get started on some real steampunk gear I intend to make a toolbelt styled after a western pistol belt with one of the larger wrenches slung on my hip like a six-shooter and smaller t hand tools taking the place of the cartridges one would usually found lining the rest of the belt.

I also want to try to make a mold of one of them to make lighter prop wrenches for the times when carrying around a real one might be frowned upon.

Or, if nothing else, I can just use them to slap various idiots upside their heads when they invariably piss me off...

Just in case...

2010-02-25T10:17:00.003-05:00

If I don't make it out of this be sure to tell my family that I never liked any of them.

Sometimes I really really hate this time of year...

From the files of the Black Baron: Casefile #100216 - North Jersey Rednecks Revisited

2010-02-16T13:00:00.012-05:00

Some time ago I regaled you with the tale of my brief encounter with a strange animal, the North Jersey Redneck, it has recently come to my attention that this disease is spreading... And it's getting closer to home than I'm comfortable with.

One fine day I awoke, as was my usual habit by first opening my eyes, after a couple hours I realized this sad state of affairs was not going to change any time soon so I got myself out of bed and dressed appropriately for the day's tasks, unfortunately this did require the wearing of pants...

So, once coffee was made and computers booted up, I commenced with my day's usual drudgery... checking e-mail, looking through classified ads, sending out masses of copies of my résumé that will never be heard from again, and the like.

After some time at this I took a short break to toast a bagel, it was during the process of doing this that I chanced to look out the kitchen window and was greeted with a singular sight...

Now bear in mind that this photo was taken a couple days after the fact and several elements are not visible at this time.

Prior to the taking of this photo there had been a couple days of high winds which blew down a second flagpole next to that one which bore a colonial "Don't Tread On Me" flag and a POW/MIA banner.

Until recently, the American flag that was in place wasn't one of the standard ones, it was one with the image of a bald eagle superimposed over the stars & stripes, better suited for the interior of a country & western bar than on an exterior flagpole, in my opinion... and there was no second flagpole, that was also a recent addition as well.

I really have no issue with most of their choices of what to display... I just find it so interesting that someone still has the irrepressible urge to display a flag that would have so many negative connotations, especially when they have absolutely no ties to anything further south than Newark... I'm willing to bet that the black couple that lives upstairs and the mexicans down the hall are also understandably curious.

By my calculations, by this summer he'll most likely have a flag up there made from a three wolf moon t-shirt and when this happens I have every intention of setting his yard on fire... it should make for an interesting saturday night.

I have a proper British union jack here that I'm sorely tempted to hang out the window just to see what, if anything, may happen... But I'm weird like that.

The Black Baron's Random Fact of the Unspecified Time Period - #30

2010-02-07T22:53:00.001-05:00

During World War II, the Soviet military assembled a unit of, so-called, "anti-tank dogs", who were trained to be used to destroy tanks, basically they had explosives strapped to them and they were made to dive under the enemy tanks setting off the explosives...

This plan, however, was doomed to failure because Russian tanks had been used for the training which caused the dogs to attack them instead of the German Panzers or the dogs would become frightened and head back to their handlers, triggering the explosives when they dove back into the Soviet trenches..

In an Ideal Universe...

2010-02-04T13:56:00.003-05:00

...something like this would be an everyday occurrence.

Unfortunately, we're stuck on this mundane mess known as earth prime... which is, sadly... and ironically, Primeless.

New Year what...?

2010-01-24T17:12:00.001-05:00

Hey, still not dead or anything, just haven't felt much like posting the past few weeks.

My supply of snark seems to have been depleted over the holidays but I'm working on restoring it to it's previous levels.

Have no fear, The Baron still loves you all... in that "I'll sell your organs on the black market if I have to" kind of way.

The Black Baron's Random Fact of the Unspecified Time Period - #29

2009-12-30T19:34:00.000-05:00

The world's first website, created in May of 1990, is still active at http://info.cern.ch/.

The historic NeXT computer used by Tim Berners-Lee in 1990,

on display in the Microcosm exhibition at CERN.

It was the first web server, hypermedia browser and web editor.

So yes, my little chitterlings, there was a world before the internet.

Bah, Humbug...

2009-12-23T10:18:00.001-05:00

This as close to a holiday special as you'll find here, folks.

Liberated from http://www.yirmumah.com/.

The Black Baron's Random Fact of the Unspecified Time Period - #28

2009-12-16T14:23:00.002-05:00

Modern paleontology, the science of studying dinosaur fossils, began in 1858 with the discovery of the first nearly complete skeleton of a dinosaur in Haddonfield, New Jersey.

The Hadrosaurus is the official New Jersey state dinosaur.

The Mystery Revealed...

2009-12-04T21:46:00.002-05:00

Well now, that clears things up nicely.

The Black Baron's Random Fact of the Unspecified Time Period - #27

2009-11-09T19:13:00.000-05:00

A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.

From the files of the Black Baron: Casefile #091030 - The Klunk Saga.

2009-10-30T11:35:00.017-04:00

In the not too distant past I spent a six month period visiting with a friend that lived in a small town in Indiana.

Now while the nature and purpose of this visit is really no one's business but my own there were a handful of episodes well worth sharing with the world at large.

Among these is one I like to refer to as "The Klunk Saga".

Now let me set the scene for you...

Everybody's favorite Baron and his companion had spent the day wandering the wilds of Indiana, hitting a few stores and buying a stack of IBM model M keyboards from a local flea market, before returning home food was obtained from a very good eatery and movies were rented that would help pass the evening, eventually leading up to other things happening that I wont be sharing here.

Now bear in mind that this is a very rural area, lots of farms and suchlike greatly spaced out, gravel roads, and no streetlights, that sort of thing.

Now, as I said, we were headed back to her home in her white Chevy S-10 pickup along a tree-shaded stretch of road at twilight, no streetlights, hardly any moonlight and we were constantly distracting each other in various ways.

Now while I was being a bit distracted I was still keeping a weather eye out for the rare bit of oncoming traffic and the slightly more frequent member of the local fauna crossing the road.

Needless to say I was considerably surprised when we both heard a loud solid clunk come from the center of the driver's side door.

My first thought was "Damn, I hit something", then I realized "Wait, that came from the door... something hit us", in the few seconds it took me to stop various things flashed through my mind, everything from me clipping a cyclist in dark clothes I couldn't see to someone taking a shot at the truck, this last leading me to quickly check for holes in both of us and the inside of the truck before I would even consider getting out.

Since we all quickly passed inspection, no holes that shouldn't have been there and all that, I proceeded to turn the truck around and slowly head back the way I came just in case there were injuries or damage I needed to deal with.

After rolling a few yards back up the road the only thing of note I saw was a small brownish lump in the road about the size of a third of a loaf of bread with bits that were fluttering in the breeze, giving the impression it was just some rags or suchlike.

Stopping the truck some yards away from this lump I went over to have a look, figuring that, at the very least, I'd move whatever it was out of the road.

Imagine my surprise when I rolled over what turned out to be a lump of feathers and was met with a pair of large blinking eyes staring up at me rather dazedly, accompanied with the occasional odd little warbling sound and looking very well stunned.

I proceeded to laugh my ass off.

Obviously, somehow an owl, at dusk, managed to fly into the side of a white pickup truck because it didn't see it.

My companion fetched a box of rags she kept in the back of the truck and I used some of them in lieu of gloves to first check to see if he had anything broken, which he didn't, and then move him to the box so the rest of the rags could serve as bedding for it on the way home.

You see, there was no way we were going to leave a stunned critter on the side of the road for some coyote to come along and munch on.

My companion's house had a spare room that was pretty much empty and we could close the door to keep her cats and dogs out, this became our new friends place while we waited to see if he'd be all right.

The next morning I checked on the little guy and he still appeared to be quite out of it, so we left him alone only cracking the door open once in a while to make sure he was still breathing.

By now I had the clear image in my head of a mouse by the side of the road laughing his tail off at the owl that was bearing down on him crashing right into the side of a pickup.

We contacted a friend of my companion in this adventure who owned a pet store and dealt a lot with various large birds, and told him what happened, once he stopped laughing he said he'd be right over.

He arrived some time later with a few "pinkies", newborn baby rats used for feeding birds and small snakes, by now the owl, now referred to as Klunk, was awake and obviously not happy, he was even more so after being force-fed several of the pinkies as he hadn't eaten in at least a day by now, we retreated from the room and left him to sulk.

The following morning I cracked open the door and peered in, the box was overturned and the rags were scattered all over the room, but there was no sign of our new tenant till I opened the door fully and looked across the room, resulting in me being greeted, from the curtain rod over the window, with the most baleful glare I've ever received in my life, a glare that has never been matched before or since in my experience.

By now he gave every appearance of being hale and hearty so I took the chance of heading across the room, closing the door behind me, and pulling the window open, with the thought that he'd head out once he realized he had an exit... it failed to occur to me that I was expecting an owl that couldn't see a white pickup truck to find an open window.

It took Klunk two days to find the window and he crashed into the bird feeder on his way out... I bet that mouse is still laughing and telling all his friends at the local mouse bar about the nearsighted owl.

The coyotes weren't quite as amused.

P.S. This just happens to be my 100th post on this blog thing, I never thought it would actually go this far... yay me.

Rollin' Rollin' Rollin'...

2009-10-20T18:21:00.011-04:00

Got myself sorted out with a new (for me) vehicle for a decent price and got something in decent condition, all things considered.

It's a 1987 Oldsmobile Cutlass Cruiser wagon, now I know it doesn't look like much, but when I asked the owner if he thought it had a couple more years worth of life in it I got this reply:

my mom's uncle owned it. original buyer and everything. he is 85 now. when i got it (two years ago) it had 117 miles on it. ive driven it to south florida and back. to quote the great Han Solo- she may not look like much, but it she's got it where it counts. it's the goddamned millenium falcon. keep up with the oil and such and it's got another 10 left in it at least.

So I'm going to consider this a good deal and be happy with it.

It needed a hell of a lot less work than the alleged van, a battery and oil change as opposed to a new brake system and rebuilt tranny, and thanks to the guy I got it from, it's been dubbed The Aluminum Falcon.

Besides, it's got a multi-port fuel injected V-6 in it and it runs like a striped ass ape.

I just need to replace the radio now, gotta have some tunes when I'm driving.

The Black Baron's Random Fact of the Unspecified Time Period - #26

2009-10-19T22:06:00.002-04:00

On April 24, 1898, Spain declared war on the U.S., thus starting the Spanish-American War. The U.S. declared war the very next day but, not wanting to be outdone, had the date on the declaration changed from April 25 to April 21.

The Alleged Van.

2009-10-07T13:47:00.001-04:00

The Alleged Van

Ok, looks like my alleged van is dying a slow painful death, between the transmission that was never right to begin with, the fact that it now needs a brake rebuild that'll cost more than was originally paid for the blasted thing, I'm down to the point of having to use the parking brake to stop the damned thing.

I'm on the lookout for something cheap (as in way way under a grand) and in decent enough shape to pass state inspection.

Craigslist is proving to be as useless as usual, so if anyone in the Northern New Jersey area knows of someone trying to offload a cheap van, mini or otherwise, pickup with a cap, or even a station wagon, or pretty much anything that will run, stop, & hold a bit of cargo like a couple bikes, please shoot me an e-mail, especially if they'd be willing to let us pay it off over a couple months. (Yeah, I know that sounds lame but my options are just that limited right now)

I need something cheap and I need it relatively fast.

Boredom rears it's ugly head...

2009-10-01T09:51:00.010-04:00

I managed to get myself bored last night so I made up a badly comped piece of fanart for one of my favorite webcomics, Monster Commute.

And here it is...

Try not to make too much fun of it, art is not really my thing.

I'm fully aware of the fact that I couldn't even draw flies if I stopped bathing, so save your scorn for the more deserving.

Carry on, Patriot.

The Black Baron's Random Fact of the Unspecified Time Period - #25

2009-09-21T18:47:00.004-04:00

Duracell, the battery maker, built parts of its international headquarters using materials from its own waste.

From the files of the Black Baron: Casefile #090908 - The P.C. Police have arrived.

2009-09-08T22:42:00.006-04:00

In my travels I've seen many a strange thing, attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion, C-beams glittering in the dark near the Tannhauser gate... no, wait, I've done that gag before...

The point still stands, however.

I've seen a myriad of strange, wondrous, and, sometimes, horrifying things during the length of my interminable existence and, while most are noteworthy, some are truly beyond the ken of mortal man.

Case in point, it would now appear that a local constabulary is taking lessons in manners and decorum.

While wandering some of the blue lines on the map I happened to comes across a rather nondescript building tucked in the trees between a library and a yard for town maintenance vehicles, to wit:

Now, at first I didn't give it much thought beyond the usual wonderings about why local governments all seem to choose their buildings from the same farm and tractor supply catalog, but then the sign on the aforementioned building caught my eye... mainly because it was the only thing on the building that set it apart from Farmer Brown's garage... well, that and it failed to smell of cow manure and diesel fuel.

I spent some long minutes simply staring at this sign in open-mouthed wonder at it's portent... could this innocuous blue and white placard actually mean what it says?

Were the local law enforcement officials actually going to learn how to properly address people... say please and thank you when they're arresting someone... and, wonder of wonders, be able to tell a salad fork from a soup spoon?

The mind boggles at the possibilities... but, to be quite honest, I'd be happy if they could just manage to keep from driving those expensive cruisers into the river with alarming regularity and put a couple bicycle mounted officers on the streets.

One day I hope to steal a glance of the interior of this structure, if for no other reason than to see officers being instructed in the proper use of doilies and being admonished for not keeping their pinkies extended when they take their tea.

The reports of my demise have been greatly exaggerated...

2009-08-31T18:55:00.003-04:00

I'm not dead yet, just been lacking in the urge to post anything.

Don't worry though, there is snark to come and it'll be here shortly.

The Black Baron's Random Fact of the Unspecified Time Period - #24

2009-08-02T16:16:00.003-04:00

Americans, on average, spend 18% of their income on transportation as compared to only 12% spent on food and only 7% of that is for food at home.

The Awesomest Thing Ever.

2009-07-18T15:53:00.006-04:00

You know it had to happen sooner or later...

Here endeth the internet.

The Black Baron's Random Fact(s) of the Unspecified Time Period - #23

2009-07-06T12:54:00.004-04:00

In Connecticut you can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour.

Also, you are not allowed to walk across a street on your hands.

New Banner! (With apologies to Charles Schulz)

2009-06-23T00:01:00.009-04:00

As I'm sure you've noticed by now, I've recently been provided with a shiny new banner graphic for this blog whatsit by the amazing Spiderfox.

Clicken to embiggen.

I've been wanting a pic like this pretty much since I started this blog thing and now, thanks to Spiderfox and a small amount of begging, I have it.

Watch the skies... for you never know when The Black Baron shall strike!

The Black Baron's Random Fact of the Unspecified Time Period - #22

2009-06-21T12:03:00.002-04:00

Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.

Another Tale of the "Hole In The Head Gang"... Sort of.

2009-06-09T15:41:00.011-04:00

This tale is only "sort of" a tale of the Hole in the Head Gang in that it just involves yours truly...

Allow me to set the scene for you...

I'm driving along in my mucus green 1973 Ford Galaxy two-door... well it was mostly mucus green, the nose was white since it had been replaced after my aunt killed a VW Rabbit a couple years before I inherited the vehicle in question...

As I was saying, I was tooling along the highway at a nice sedate 65-70mph, minding my own business, while avoiding any law enforcement types.

This particular stretch of highway was undergoing some construction of the type where they were cutting ditches across the road and working during the night, then filling them in and patchcoating them so the highway could be used during the day, leaving what can only be described as inverted speedbumps across the roadbed as they tended to settle over the course of the day.

Now, as previously stated I was rolling along, minding my own business, with my recently installed stereo blasting in the background, windows down, and not a care in the world.

Now, bear in mind that I'd been driving this car, in my usual manner, for quite a few months by now... meaning that I routinely beat the ever-loving crap out of it... without so much as a hiccup as far as it's operations were concerned, which makes what happened all the more surprising.

As I fly past the intersection that would have taken me home I'm thinking about the bits and pieces I need to get at the junkyard for my father while a few more miles fly past and I hit... The Bump.

I hit this particular rut across the highway at about 65mph and the first thing I notice is the sound of metal making an odd scraping/tearing sound and the radio cutting out as the back end of the car dropped a foot or so.

At this point my first thought is that the spring shackles I needed to replace finally let go and I dropped the rear axle... a pain in the ass to fix but not catastrophic...

I was wrong...

I was noticing several things at once at this point, the radio cutting out, the engine dying, a whole lot of metal scraping noises, I was sitting at an odd angle, and I was feeling more of a draft than I should.

Looking in the rear view mirror to see where my axle was headed instead gave me a view of my back seat rapidly getting smaller and smaller as I moved away from it... this was not right.

As it turns out, the frame was just a bit rusted and I had managed to tear my Ford completely in half behind the front seats... so, I begin wrestling the now powerless power steering to aim my now bifurcated Ford to the side of the road and... wait.

I turned on my emergency flashers, but this was more out of habit than anything else since the ones on my half of the car were facing the wrong way and the ones on the back half were useless since that half was no longer connected to... well, anything.

Now, also bear in mind that this was before cell phones were anywhere near as ubiquitous as they are today... So after about 15-20 minutes a police car finally deigns to arrive.

After parking his cruiser behind the back half of the Galaxy with his flashers going so some random idiot wont plow into it, he walks the quarter mile distance to where I was seated still in the driver's seat like nothing untoward has happened.

He eventually makes it to my location and knocks on the window, and with all the aplomb I can muster I roll down the window and ask, in all innocence, "Is there a problem, officer?"

With an equal amount of aplomb he looks from me, to my half of the car, and then to the other section of auto back up the road.

After exactly 7¾ seconds he returns his gaze to the section of car I'm in, and then back to me... After yet another pause he tells me, with a perfectly straight face, "I don't know whether to cite you for littering... or leaving the scene of an accident."

So, after a bit of back and forth involving paperwork, reports, the signing of names, and making sure both I and my car were who we claimed to be, he eventually calls a flatbed to drag my debris home.

Now, while this is going on, my father is outside working on the jeep I was supposed to be getting parts for on this little foray and he sees the flatbed coming.

The first thing he notes is me in the cab not looking very pleased and then, as it makes the turn in the road, he sees the remains of the Ford scattered about the bed of the truck, this elicits nothing more than a shake of his head and a return to his wrenching.

As I'm getting out of the truck to direct the deposition of my car's mortal remains all I hear from his quarter is "I don't want to hear about it" and the sound of a ratchet spinning... but the grin on his face tells me I'm never going to live this one down... ever.

The Black Baron's Random Fact of the Unspecified Time Period - #21

2009-06-05T14:11:00.004-04:00

On September 10th, 1945 a Colorado farmer attempting to dispatch a chicken for dinner ended up with one of the biggest non-hoaxes of the era and a place in the Guinness World Book of Records for the headless chicken who survived the longest.

Lloyd Olsen had been sent out to the yard to sacrifice a plump young rooster of about six months.

And guess who was coming to dinner to eat it... His mother-in-law.

Knowing how she favored the neck, Olsen went about his task with the idea of keeping on the mother in law's good side, by keeping most of the neck on the chicken.

He succeeded in a way he'd never have expected in his wildest dreams.

When the chicken (who later became known as Mike, although nobody remembers why) was decapitated, he refused to lay down and die.

While many birds slaughtered this way will appear to run around for a few seconds, it's actually a nerve/adrenalin response by the body, with no actual intent to escape.

They drop down and die.

But not Mike.

He continued to run around the chicken pen.

Olsen let him be, and the next morning found Mike asleep with his "head" tucked under his wing.

Figuring that any bird who wanted to live that bad was worth the work, he began feeding grain and water directly into the gullet through an eye dropper.

When Mike was still alive a week later Olsen packed him up and drove him to the University of Utah to, hopefully, get an explanation for the phenomenon.

Apparently, the axe had severed the head above the brain stem, missing the jugular vein and leaving the entire brain, and one ear.

A large clot had stayed any major bleeding, and the wound healed over, leaving the gullet open for feeding.

Not only did Mike live for another 18 months, but he grew from a mere 2½ lbs to almost 8 pounds, and became a national news story as well as a sideshow attraction.

Mike went to that great chicken coop in the sky eighteen months later during a road trip in Arizona, when he began to choke in the middle of the night, and Olsen was unable to find the eyedropper with which they kept his throat cleared.

I love days like this...

2009-05-30T18:42:00.006-04:00

Took the Old Man out for a spin today for the first time in way, way too long and realized a few things...

Foremost among them is the fact I'm criminally out of shape and am in incredible pain at the moment, but that's only a temporary thing.

Secondly, most folks are still idiots... now I know this is pretty much considered standard knowledge but every once in a while I like to be reminded of the fact lest I get complacent.

This reminder was brought forth as I passed a store in town called "Taste of Dawn", this is a store that's been around since 1976 and deals in herbal supplements, vitamins, organic foods, and various other, so-called, "hippie" goods, nice store, nice owner.

And as I passed this establishment I noticed the white Ford Excursion parked out front of the store... running... with only the dog in it and the A/C running full blast... while Miss "Single Occupancy Armored Personnel (Dog)Carrier" got herself some fresh wheat germ and bragged to the store owner how much she's doing for the environment by using reusable shopping bags at BJ's.

On the plus side, there's now a nice shiny new bike shop in Bloomingdale that I paid a visit to while out, The Get-a-way Cycle Center.

They're just starting out but they have a decent setup for sales and repairs, the owner and staff are really friendly and don't mind wasting time just shooting the breeze.

Also, they have no problem doing small things, like adjusting a saddle or swapping out a set of handlebar grips, or mounting a new accessory, for free, unlike the other shop in the area that will do the aforementioned for $10, $15, & $20, respectively.

I hope they do well there, the town needs a real bike shop.

Dear Sir...

2009-05-12T18:35:00.005-04:00

Dear Sir:

We have the distinction of being members of a committee to raise $200,000,000 to be used for placing a statue of George W. Bush in the Hall of Fame in Washington, D.C. The committee was in a quandary about selecting the proper location for the statue.

It was thought unwise to place it beside that of George Washington, who never told a lie, or beside that of Richard Nixon, who never told the truth, since George W. Bush could never tell the difference.

After careful consideration, we think it should be placed next to the statue of Christopher Columbus, the greatest Republican of them all, in that he started out not knowing where he was going, and in arriving did not know where he was, and in returning did not know where he had been — and managed to do it all on borrowed money.

The inscription on the statue will read:
“I pledge allegiance to George W. Bush and to the national debt for which he stands, one man, expendable, with graft and corruption for all.”

Five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, “Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land.”

Nearly five thousand years later, Ronald Reagan said, “Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land.”

Now George W. Bush has stolen the shovels, kicked our asses, raised the price of Camels, and laid waste to the Promised Land.

If you are one of the few who has any money left over after paying off Bush’s huge national debt, we will expect a generous contribution from you toward this noteworthy project.

Yours sincerely,
National Committee on the Bush Bust

(I know it's old, but I like it.)

From the files of the Black Baron: Casefile #090419 - Highway Hijinks

2009-04-20T10:48:00.006-04:00

On a recent excursion for items varied and sundry, it was required that I make use of one of the several interstate highways in the area, a task I'm not entirely fond of on a good day... and it's been rather a long time since I had a good day.

It was during this particular excursion that I saw a sight that, once again, made me wish I had a camera small enough to keep with me at all times...

I came up on a family minivan appropriately loaded with various younglings and other animals some keep about their domiciles, which would explain the fact the driver was carrying a boxed item atop the roof of their vehicle, since it obviously wouldn't fit inside it with all the wildlife taking up room.

What made this cargo carrying note (and photo) worthy was the realization that this individual had what I believe was a new barbecue grill in it's box secured to the roof by only a few turns of plastic pallet wrap...

That's right genties and ladlemen, about a hundred pounds of grill were being held in place by a handful of layers of what amounts to slightly thicker than usual cling wrap, wrapped around the roof through the door openings, the doors then closed on the film, half of which was trailing in the breeze behind the van.

Needless to say, I didn't spend long behind that vehicle as I didn't feel like having a grill sit in my lap at a combined speed of about 95MPH.

The Black Baron's Random Fact of the Unspecified Time Period - #20

2009-04-12T13:20:00.001-04:00

Kansas state law requires pedestrians crossing the highways at night to wear tail lights.

From the "Wish I'd thought of that myself" files.

2009-03-26T14:35:00.000-04:00

Ok, found this on Instructables and thought it well worth sharing as all good ideas should be.

Presented here are the steps necessary to quite easily construct a keyring capable of being used as a hex bit driver.

It's so damn simple you'd think it would have been obvious...

Considering the debris I have in my tool box I should be able to knock out a couple of these to keep handy.

All right... that's it, you can all go about your business now.

The Black Baron's Random Fact of the Unspecified Time Period - #19

2009-03-22T00:11:00.001-04:00

The IRS employees tax manual has instructions for collecting taxes after a nuclear war.

In 1989, revisions to IRS law laid down the exact procedure for the department to follow in the event of nuclear war.

Immediately after an attack the IRS was to prioritize itself and collect those taxes which yield the most income.

Apropos of absolutely nothing...

2009-03-16T22:19:00.007-04:00

While in the midst of packing up my meager belongings for our recent move I discovered parts of various old collections.

Back in the day I used to collect things... comic books, certain flavors of collector cards, bits of shiny metal or brightly colored pieces of paper... basically just about anything that caught my eye.

While packing I found several binders of cards that I'd put together over the previous decade and while flipping through one containing a couple sets of Harley-Davidson cards I found this.

Now my first thought was "Damn, wish I had one of either of those bikes in decent shape", but then, after several minutes of looking at this my next thought was "What in the nine hells is going on with that seatpost?".

There's something odd going on there and I'm not entirely sure I want to know what it is.

That's pretty much all I have on this one.

The Black Baron's Random Fact of the Unspecified Time Period - #18

2009-01-24T19:59:00.000-05:00

Of the 56 men who signed the Declaration of Independence…

Five were captured by the British as traitors, and tortured before they died.

Twelve had their homes ransacked and burned.

Two lost their sons serving in the Revolutionary Army; another had two sons captured.

Nine fought and died from wounds or hardships of the Revolutionary War.

Carter Braxton of Virginia, a wealthy planter and trader saw his ships swept from the seas by the British Navy. He sold his home and properties to pay his debts and died in rags.

Thomas McKeam was so hounded by the British that he was forced to move his family almost constantly. He served in the Congress without pay, and his family was kept in hiding. His possessions were taken from him, and poverty was his reward.

Vandals or soldiers looted the properties of Dillery Hall, Clymer, Walton, Gwinett, Heyward, Ruttledge, and Middleton. At the battle of Yorktown, Thomas Nelson, Jr. noted that the British General Cornwallis had taken over the Nelson home for his headquarters. He quietly urged General George Washington to open fire. The home was destroyed, and Nelson died bankrupt.

Francis Lewis had his home and properties destroyed. The enemy jailed his wife, and she died within a few months. John Hart was driven from his wife's bedside as she was dying. Their 13 children fled for their lives. His fields and his gristmill were laid to waste. For more than a year he lived in forests and caves, returning to find his wife dead and his children vanished. A few weeks later he died from exhaustion and a broken heart. Norris and Livingston suffered similar fates.

Done and done.

2009-01-09T20:43:00.004-05:00

Ok, finally... we're out of that shithole with the psychotic owner and into a place, while smaller, has someone running it that actually works on the place and fixes what he says he will... Yes, I was shocked too.

The place is tiny but we're in the same general area, the rent is decent, and we can live with it for a year or so till we can manage something better.

So, now that this part of the drama is over I can get back to dispensing the contempt and abuse you all so richly deserve.

Updates and suchlike.

2008-12-31T21:55:00.002-05:00

Ok... as of the end of this week (1/3/09) we should be all moved into a new apartment, barring mishap.

We found a much smaller place a couple miles away, a studio apartment, that we'll be spending a year or two in while getting our lives and finances sorted out and maybe then we can move on to something better.

It's not a bad neighborhood or anything, but the place itself is rather small being only a couple rooms, so we have to pare down what we have while packing and moving, and all this during the holidays... fun.

Personally, I'm looking forward to being done with this crap, nothing I've gone through is as draining as dealing with having to find a new place and moving into it.

The Current Situation.

2008-12-06T12:47:00.003-05:00

As it stands, we have to get out of this apartment ASAP.

We almost have enough to cover the deposit on another, cheaper, place to live thanks to a friend I've never met.

We're not out of the woods yet but now there is a bit more hope than there was a couple days ago and I'm trying to keep that feeling going.

If this does go down it's likely to happen fast, if so I'll likely be out of contact for a while except for the occasional library visit, unless someone in the area has a wireless connection I can "borrow".

We still need help but it's not quite as desperate as it was a couple days ago.

I've got nothing.

2008-12-02T20:56:00.001-05:00

This is one of those days that I honestly and truly wish I were dead.

The Black Baron's Random Fact of the Unspecified Time Period - #17

2008-11-09T16:02:00.001-05:00

The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin in World War 2 killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.

The story so far...

2008-10-26T15:36:00.003-04:00

I know it's been quite a while since I posted anything here but the energy to be creative has been pretty much nonexistent these days.

Now, if anyone cares to know, and if you didn't I don't care, you're getting this anyway so suck it up, the situation at the lab isn't a good one at the moment...

When last I posted here I was dealing with a bit of serious depression and the post reflected this, it hasn’t really improved all that much but I’m doing my best to deal with it at the moment.

My temerarious lab assistant Ferrette got laid off from her regular job back in the beginning of September and I’ve had no luck at all finding employment for myself and, as things stand now, unless something bordering on miraculous occurs before the end of November, we’ll be spending the winter living in our van.

I wish I was exaggerating about this but the paperwork has already been filed and unless we can find some rent money or get someone that can co-sign a small loan for her we’ll be, quite literally, out in the street by December 1st.

Right now she has a part time job, that can just barely cover the cost of fuel to get her to it, and I have a line on a tech job that would pay well if they actually call me for it.

So as it stands now, we’re both stressed to the max, and I’m getting rather desperate for some way to not get thrown out of our home.

We’ve pretty much exhausted all state options for aid and we don’t qualify for any of them.

Right now, I have no idea what to do and the notion of riding the wrong way into highway traffic looks more inviting every day.

I give up.

2008-08-18T20:14:00.002-04:00

Somewhere along the way I somehow got myself convinced that I could manage to get the occasional small something to go my way...

Turns out I was very much mistaken.

During the past few weeks I've been sending out flocks of resumes that are never heard from again... Wait, that's not entirely true, I did hear back from one company, they said they couldn't read it... After sending it in plain text, then I never heard from them again.

Even something as simple as sorting out a cellphone account turns into a major bloody undertaking that, once again, surprise, blows up in my damn face.

I'm tired... I've had a migraine for about a week now... and sleep is a fond memory.

You can read this any way you want, a rant, a whining outburst, or just the ramblings of some stupid bastard you couldn't give two shits about... I'm way past caring at this point.

At this moment it's taking all of my restraint to keep from typing just the word fuck over and over again till the page is full and the browser locks up.

The title says it all right now, I give up.

The Black Baron's Random Fact of the Unspecified Time Period - #16

2008-08-13T10:59:00.000-04:00

Each of the suits on a deck of cards represents the four major pillars of the economy in the middle ages: heart represented the Church, spades represented the military, clubs represented agriculture, and diamonds represented the merchant class.

Do what now?

2008-07-27T20:56:00.015-04:00

Just realized it's been almost a week since my last post here... not that this blog thing is all that interesting to start with but leaving old posts sitting out to go moldy sure as hell wont help matters any.

Let's see... No, no bad jokes laying about, nothing of any real import happened unless you count the coffee that got spilled earlier this morning, but that wasn't all that important since it was yesterday's leftover... nothing like a bit of high test sludge to kickstart the brain in the morning, and this was the good stuff, dissolved the spoon and everything.

Two cups of this and you can vibrate through solid objects.

Ok, back to rummaging for ideas... still no bad jokes... Oh, there's that e-mail about the cut-rate Canadian cialis that I need to forward to the nice woman in Nigeria that needs help getting all her millions of dollars to the US, can't forget that... What else... hmmm, post card from the Dalai Lama... bill from the cleaners and a note about how hard it is to get deuterium stains out of labcoats.

I really need to clean off this desk, tuna salad doesn't age well at all and it's best if you rid yourself of it before it develops language skills otherwise it'll keep trying to negotiate a way out of the trash bin.

Could dig up another random fact but those are getting stale right now and not really decent content for the one or two people I know stop by here besides myself.

I noticed something the other day that was more creepy than interesting... It seems that I get visitors every once in a while that found this place while searching for "geriatric porn", now while I can understand how this happened due to a couple posts that have "geriatric bike porn" in the title (because they're pictures of old bikes, duh...), it doesn't make it any less creepy that someone out there is looking for the real thing... now what makes this just a bit stranger is that they all seem to be coming from Germany, I'm not sure of the significance of this, but I felt it bore mentioning.

Geez... I should start taking notes or something, I had a really good idea for a post the other day and I'll be dipped if I can't remember what it was going to be about... Something to do with alpacas, I think... or maybe cops driving while using their cellphones... could have been cheese, I'm not sure now.

Ok, this stinks, the most exciting thing I've done so far was cataloging my CDs last night and I doubt anyone out there would want to read about that, hardly a burning hot page-turner there.

I could continue to ramble on aimlessly till either you leave or I pass out, that usually leads to some entertaining reading and I get to be just as surprised as the rest of you since I have no idea what I'm talking about either when I read it later on.

Yeah... I just wasted all this time saying I have nothing to say... I could have written for Seinfeld but I do have some pride...

So your time here wasn't a total loss, here's a bunny with a pancake on it's head.

Too bad the flying-saucer people probably wont be able to read english and will be lacking a sense of irony.

2008-07-21T18:48:00.004-04:00

"...the epitaph for the planet, I remember, which he said should be carved in big letters in a wall of the Grand Canyon for the flying-saucer people to find, was this:

WE COULD HAVE SAVED IT BUT WE WERE TOO DOGGONE CHEAP"

--From Hocus Pocus by Kurt Vonnegut.

From the files of the Black Baron: Casefile #080714 - The Crosswalk to Nowhere.

2008-07-14T20:11:00.007-04:00

In my travels I've seen many a strange thing, attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. C-beams glittering in the dark near the Tannhauser gate... no, wait, that's not right... either way you get the idea, wander about long enough and you're likely to meet yourself coming the other way... and let me tell you, that's awkward in ways too manifold to list.

This time around though I'd like to call to your attention a singular item of either bureaucratic superfluousness or just outright stupidity of biblical proportions.

When I'm taking my temerarious lab assistant and minion Ferrette to her day job I have a choice of two courses, one involves interstate highway driving at insane speeds in a van with a transmission that can be best described as "iffy", and the other course, which I prefer, that consists of winding roads with a bit more sedate and sane speed limit that's also a well marked bike route so I can at least watch other folks enjoy themselves while I'm stuck in my green metal box.

Now, while traveling this route there's all sorts of nice scenery to see, plenty of trees and grassy hills, forested acres and even an alpaca ranch along the way if you're into that sort of thing.

One thing I did notice along the way that struck me as passing strange, however, was a large diamond shaped hi-vis lime sign that one usually only finds in more developed urban settings, the ubiquitous walking man figure that marks a crosswalk.

Now I had taken this route several times before it finally registered, I was seeing something that really shouldn't be there since this is area is hardly what anyone might call high traffic, either pedestrian or motor vehicle... it was, for all intents and purposes, quite dead.

So, on the return trip I kept an eye out and discovered the same signage repeated in the opposite direction and, along with that, was a crosswalk... in an area with no sidewalks and hardly any houses... a crosswalk in the middle of nowhere leading to nowhere.

The Crosswalk to Nowhere

The reasoning behind this escapes me other than to posit that they had too much money left over at the end of the fiscal year and had to come up with something desperate to fix the situation before they risked getting less money next year.

As you can clearly see in the photo, there is no reason for this crosswalk to exist, there's no sidewalks, no pedestrian traffic in the area, no large numbers of homes nearby, nothing at all to warrant this crosswalk's existence.

And even if these other things were there, there's no place to get to for which you'd need to use this crosswalk, it's just stuck out in the wilds of northern New Jersey isolated and alone.

At one point I had decided to investigate this further to find the reasoning behind it's construction but I soon realized that no one was going to give a damn and let the matter drop.

But, every once in a while, as I pass this spot, I still find myself wondering what caused this crosswalk to nowhere to come into being and when they plan on adding the lights to tell the deer, possums, and raccoons that must be the only ones to use it when it's safe to cross.

The Black Baron's Random Fact of the Unspecified Time Period - #15

2008-07-13T22:34:00.000-04:00

Sharks apparently are the only animals that never get sick.

As far as is known, they are immune to every known disease including cancer.

It's so obvious you'd think everyone would realize it.

2008-07-07T15:19:00.003-04:00

Sorta makes one wonder who, exactly, the idiots really are...

The Black Baron's Random Fact of the Unspecified Time Period - #14

2008-06-27T22:52:00.000-04:00

An old Boston law prohibited citizens from taking more than one bath each week.

Good Old New Jersey.

2008-06-15T22:00:00.013-04:00

Now I know this isn't anything new and since I had this in an old text file I'm sure a lot of it is no longer true... but here it is as I found it.

"Good Old New Jersey"

NEW JERSEY is a peninsula.

Highlands, NEW JERSEY has the highest elevation along the entire eastern seaboard, from Maine to Florida.

NEW JERSEY is the only state where all of its counties are classified as metropolitan areas.

NEW JERSEY has more race horses than Kentucky.

NEW JERSEY has the highest percentage of its land reserved in parkland than any other state of the union.

NEW JERSEY has more Cubans in Union City (1 sq. mi.) than Havana, Cuba.

NEW JERSEY has the most dense system of highways and railroads in the US

NEW JERSEY has the most diners in the world and is sometimes referred to as the Diner Capital of the World. Here’s to the Tic Toc Diner on Rt. 3 and the home to the greatest cheesecake on the planet, the now defunct Claremont diner.

NEW JERSEY is home to the original pork parts chub (no, not Spain) Taylor Ham or Pork Roll.* Yo!...with fried egg & mustard on a hardroll.* And home to the less mysterious but best Italian hot dogs and Italian sausage with peppers & onions.

North Jersey has the most shopping malls in one area in the world, with seven major shopping malls in a 25 square mile radius.

NEW JERSEY is home to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island.

The Passaic River was the site of the first submarine ride by inventor John P. Holland.

NEW JERSEY has 50+ resort cities & towns, some of the nation’s most famous: Asbury Park, Wildwood, Atlantic City, Seaside Heights, Long Branch & Cape May.

NEW JERSEY has the most stringent testing along our coastline for Water Quality Control than any other seaboard state in the entire country.

NEW JERSEY is a leading technology & industrial state and is the largest chemical producing state in the nation when you include pharmaceuticals.

Jersey tomatoes are known in the world as being the best you can buy.

NEW JERSEY is the world leader in blueberry and cranberry production.

Here’s to NEW JERSEY- the toast of the country! In 1642, the first brewery in America opened in Hoboken.

NEW JERSEY rocks!* The famous Les Paul invented the first solid body electric guitar in Mahwah in 1940.

NEW JERSEY is a major seaport state with the largest seaport in the U.S. located in Elizabeth.* Nearly 80% of what our nation imports comes through Elizabeth seaport first.

NEW JERSEY is home to one of the nation’s busiest airports at Newark Liberty International.

George Washington slept here.* Several important Revolutionary War battles were fought on NEW JERSEY soil, led by General George Washington.

The light bulb, phonograph (record player) and motion picture projector, were invented by Thomas Edison in his Menlo Park, NEW JERSEY laboratory.

We also boast the first town ever lit by incandescent bulbs.

The first seaplane was built in Keyport, NEW JERSEY.

The first phonograph records were made in Camden, NEW JERSEY.

NEW JERSEY is home to the Miss America pageant held in Atlantic City.

The game Monopoly, played all over the world, named the streets on their playing board after actual streets in Atlantic City.

And Atlantic City has the longest boardwalk in the world.

NEW JERSEY has the largest petroleum containment area outside of the Middle East countries.

The first Indian reservation was in NEW JERSEY, in the Watchung Mountains. (Not sure if that's something to brag about though...)

NEW JERSEY had the first Medical Center, in Jersey City.

The Pulaski Skyway, from Jersey City to Newark, was the first skyway highway.

NEW JERSEY built the first tunnel under a river, the Hudson. (Holland Tunnel)

The first baseball game was played in Hoboken, NEW JERSEY, which is also the birthplace of Frank Sinatra.

The first intercollegiate football game was played in New Brunswick in 1889. (Rutgers played Princeton.)

The first Drive-in-Movie theater was opened in Pennsauken, NEW JERSEY.

NEW JERSEY is home to both of “New York's” Pro Football Teams!

The first radio station and broadcast was in Paterson, NEW JERSEY.

All NEW JERSEY natives:

Sal Martorano
Bruce Springsteen - Long Branch
Bon Jovi - Perth Amboy
Jason Alexander - Newark
Queen Latifa - Newark
Susan Sarandon - Edison
Connie Francis - Newark
Shaq - Newark
Judy Blume - Elizabeth
Aaron Burr - Newark
Joan Robertson
Ken Ross
Dionne Warwick - East Orange
Sarah Vaughn - Newark
Budd Abbott - Asbury Park
Lou Costello - Paterson
Alan Ginsberg - Newark
Norman Mailer - Long Branch
Marilynn McCoo - Jersey City
Flip Wilson - Jersey City
Whitney Houston - East Orange
Linda McElroy
Eileen Donnely
Grover Cleveland - Caldwell
Walt Whitman - Camden
Jerry Lewis - Newark
Richard Wojewodzki
Joyce Kilmer - New Brunswick
Bruce Willis - Penn's Grove
Lauryn Hill - South Orange
Ice-T - Newark
Nathan Lane - Jersey City
Sandra Dee - Bayonne
Danny DeVito - Asbury Park
Joe Pesci - Newark
Joe Piscopo - Passaic
Robert Blake - Nutley
John Forsyth - Penn's Grove
Meryl Streep - Summit
Loretta Swit - Passaic
Norman Lloyd - Jersey City
Paul Simon - Newark
Gordan McCrae - East Orange
Kevin Spacey - South Orange
John Travolta - Englewood
Phyllis Newman - Jersey City
Anne Morrow Lindbergh - Englewood
Eva Marie Saint - Newark
Zebulon Pike - Lamberton
James Fennimore Cooper - Burlington
Admiral "Bull" Halsey Jr. - Elizabeth
Dave Thomas (Wendy’s) - Atlantic City
William Carlos Williams - Rutherford
Ray Liotta - Newark
Robert Wuhl - Union Township
Paul Robeson - Princeton
Ernie Kovacs - Trenton
Joseph Macchia
Kelly Rippa - Stratford
and of course...
Frank Albert Sinatra - Hoboken
and
“Uncle Floyd” Vivino - Paterson.

You know you’re in NEW JERSEY when...

You don’t think of fruit when people mention “The Oranges.”

You know that it’s called Great Adventure, not Six Flags.

A good, quick breakfast is a hardroll with butter.

You’ve known the way to Seaside Heights since you were seven.

You know that the state isn’t one big oil refinery.

At least three people in your family still love Bruce Springsteen and you know the town Jon Bon Jovi is from.

You know that WaWa is a convenience store.

You know that the state isn’t all farmland.

You know that there are no “beaches” in NEW JERSEY- there’s the shore not “at the shore,’ you are “down the shore.”

You know what a “jug handle” is.

You know how to properly negotiate a Circle.

You knew that the two previous sentences had to do with driving.

You know that this is the only “New...” State that doesn’t require “New” to identify it (like, try ...Mexico, ...York ...Hampshire - doesn’t work, does it?)

You know that a “White Castle” is the name of BOTH a fast food chain AND a fast food sandwich.

You consider putting mayo on a corned beef sandwich a sacrilege.

You don’t think “What exit~~ is very funny.

You know that people from the 609 area code are “a little different.”

You know that no respectable NEW JERSEYan goes to Princeton - that’s for out-of-staters.

The Jets-Giants game has started fights at your school or local bar.

You live within 20 minutes of at least three different malls.

You refer to all highways and interstates by their numbers.

Every year you have at least one kid in your class named Tony.

You know the location of every clip shown on the Sopranos opening credits.

You’ve gotten on the wrong highway trying to get out of the mall.

You know that people from North Jersey go to Seaside Heights, and people form Central Jersey go to Belmar and people from South Jersey go to Wildwood.* It can be no other way. You weren’t raised in NEW JERSEY - you were raised in either North Jersey, Central Jersey or South Jersey.

Many who work in NYC choose to live in NEW JERSEY.

You don’t consider Newark or Camden to actually be a part of the state.

You remember the stores - Korvette’s, Two Guys, Rickel’s, Channel, Bamberger’s and Orbach’s.

You’ve had a Boardwalk cheese steak and vinegar fries.

You start planning for Memorial Day weekend in February.

And finally...
You’ve never, NEVER pumped your own gas.

Source: Courtesy http://www.MIStupid.com/

Quick update

2008-06-13T18:17:00.005-04:00

Thanks to the efforts of both my erstwhile lab assistant & minion and a certain hill-giant I'm proud to call my friend I'm now in possession of both a new (to me) computer and all my old files from the mostly dead hard drive of my frankensteined laptop.

So for the foreseeable future... The Baron is back in business!

The Black Baron's Random Fact of the Unspecified Time Period - #13

2008-06-05T13:54:00.002-04:00

Americans, on average, eat 18 acres of pizza every day.

From the files of the Black Baron: Casefile #080525 - North Jersey Rednecks

2008-05-28T20:25:00.004-04:00

A sighting on a recent outing with my primary lab assistant and minion, Ferrette, brought to mind a subject of much conjecture and debate in years past, the North Jersey Redneck.

Now I'm not talking about your average Jeff Foxworty fan or someone that thinks Larry the Cable Guy is the pinnacle of humor... I'm talking about the ones that drive around pick-ups with the rebel flag decals on them that cover the entire back window and have "The South Will Rise Again" bumper stickers or fly rebel flags from their houses when they've never been further south than Hoboken.

This past sunday my temerarious lab assistant Ferrette and myself were taking an extended excursion to enjoy the weather before the onslaught of the Memorial Day festivities that would take up precious space on our roads.

Along the way we were passed by a large pick-up truck of fairly recent vintage raised to ridiculous heights and blessed with a set of tires usually reserved for the more obscure species of farm equipment along with an exhaust system that would be more at home on the average semi-truck, leaving behind the stink of diesel, an afterimage of the silhouette of a chromed naked female, the aforementioned rebel flag, and a slight ringing in the ears.

After a few more miles we came upon the home that could have only belonged to the driver of this pick-up, we deduced this from the fact that the truck was parked in the driveway along with an Expedition and a Hummer (can you sense the trend here?).

Now here is where the North Jersey Redneck really shines, along with the usual Memorial Day fare, such as red, white & blue bunting and an extensive picnic arrangement, he had also festooned his garage with, to the left of the garage door a very large American flag, on the garage door itself an equally large P.O.W. banner, and to the right of the garage door a rebel flag larger than either of the other two flags.

One thing I've neglected to mention was that the name on the mailbox was Steinmetz... not what one usually associates with the rebel flag.

I've seen this and similar sights most of my life and after all this time I still can't fathom why someone from New Jersey would feel the need to try and make everyone think they're from south of the mason-dixon line.

Now I know there's a troop of civil war re-enactors up this way, they're going to be at the Long Pond Iron Works in a few days, but I don't think that justifies dolling up a pick-up truck in redneck drag and playing like you're L'il Abner.

Ok, enough of this nonsense.

2008-05-24T12:09:00.002-04:00

I'm back again, larger than life and twice as ugly.

I'm going to be reinstalling XP on this laptop sometime in the next couple days, so I get to enjoy some quality time with Asok in Delhi to get the reg code sorted out.

...and I'm out again.

2008-05-21T12:33:00.001-04:00

The cable was cut till the 29th due to lack of payment, so I'll be out of the loop again till then...

This is getting monotonous.

The Black Baron's Random Fact of the Unspecified Time Period - #12

2008-05-19T11:40:00.000-04:00

4.5 pounds of sunlight strike the Earth each day.

And I'm back...

2008-05-16T14:34:00.002-04:00

Thanks to a friend of mine I was able to score a used laptop to replace the frankensteined one that died... again.

We still need one for Mori but at least now we don't have to keep running to the library to check e-mail and suchlike.

Till Further Notice...

2008-05-05T10:35:00.003-04:00

Till further notice both I and Mori will be unable to get online except sporadically during daytime working hours due to massive computer failures at home.

Over this past weekend both of our computers suffered massive hard drive failures resulting in the loss of both of them and the very rel possibility that all the irreplaceable files on both will be lost.

I will be able to check e-mail and suchlike only about twice a day, in the morning and in the early evening, from the library, Mori can only check her's when she has time during her work day, which isn't very often, if at all.

My e-mail address is listed to the right if anyone here needs to contact me.

Wish us luck... we're going to need it.

The Search For Truth... and Bike Info.

2008-04-28T18:13:00.010-04:00

Lately I've been noticing a few folks finding this site while searching for information on various makes of bicycles.

Now while I don't mind people coming here and viewing this rambling mess I call a blog, I feel it's a disservice to those looking for information that's actually useful.

I've posted about my recent finds, a '78 Peugeot, a '76 Motobécane, '72 Raleigh, & a '70-something Ross, and the various mentions of these bikes have tricked folks into coming here from Google and other search engines.

Now if you're looking for information on these bicycles the best suggestion I can make is to go visit some of the sites I have linked to the right here, they have more and better information than I could ever hope to offer and it's available for free.

Cycles Peugeot and RetroPeugeot.com for anything Pug related, VeloBase.com, which is, and I quote,

"a comprehensive database of vintage cycling knowledge for reference during everything from restorations to general maintenance to researching the cycling parts of the past."

and, of course, Sheldon Brown for absolutely anything bicycle related, Bike Forums, which is a great spot to ask and, eventually, get your questions answered, once you get past the snark, just be sure to try running a search on your question first, just in case... and other sites that I'll add as I find them myself.

I highly recommend that you visit these sites for any bicycle questions you may have.

The Black Baron's Random Fact of the Unspecified Time Period - #11

2008-04-24T23:04:00.001-04:00

On average, 100 people choke to death on ball-point pens every year.

1970?-something Ross Eurosport.

2008-04-18T16:12:00.010-04:00

Update: To help save you some time, before you read this post go read this one.

And this is the Ross I picked up with the rest.

Despite it's having a nicely lugged frame I think I'm just going to part this one out since it has full Shimano kit from the brakes to the dérailleurs and use it on my primary beater bike that I refuse to ever part with.

Though you can't see it here, there's both an inner and outer pieplate on the front chainwheels.

I do like that bashguard on the rear dérailleur, that's part of why I want to put it on the beater.

Update - 4/22/08: I discovered today that this bike has what Shimano called their "Front Freewheel" system, where the rear gearing was fixed to the wheel and the freewheel was part of the bottom bracket.

The freewheel was built into the bottom bracket so that the chain would turn even when the rider was coasting. This was to allow shifting while coasting.

I'm hoping this will fit my old Huffy beater, mainly because it's weird.

1972 Raleigh LTD-3

2008-04-18T15:44:00.008-04:00

Update: To help save you some time, before you read this post go read this one.

Picked this one up the same time as the Motobécane & the Ross and from the same person.

I'm still debating the possibility of restoring it instead of just stripping it for parts.

By my reckoning it just needs tires, cables, and a good cleaning to be ridable.

Now is that a sexy set of forks or what?

It still has the original Raleigh Record tires on it too.

This is the sight that greeted me when I rubbed some of the grime off the hub.

If you look closely here you can see the date code stamped sideways on the hub casing.

And it turns out that the shifter wasn't broken as I originally thought, the shifter body was just sprung a bit and a few lovetaps with a rubber mallet and a block of wood set it to rights.

The Black Baron's Random Fact of the Unspecified Time Period - #10

2008-04-16T16:26:00.001-04:00

You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching TV.

The Baron's Latest Finds Part 2: Bike Porn

2008-04-15T12:58:00.007-04:00

You might want to read Part 1 first...

As previously stated, I acquired yet more vintage bikes and bits related to them over the weekend.

Foremost among the latest finds is the 1976 Motobécane Super Mirage.

The Moto is, to me anyway, a gem found in the mud that only needed a bit of air in the tires and still needs a good cleaning but it's very ridable and I've already put quite a few miles on it already.

So, for all that may be curious or just bored enough to read my ramblings, here you go...

More geriatric bike porn.

The Baron's Latest Finds.

2008-04-13T22:57:00.006-04:00

Seems at though the fates may be starting to smile upon the Baron.

Today, while perusing the local craigslist listings in the free section I came across something not all that unusual, a curb alert listing a few bike frames set out for either pickup or disposal.

Now usually these only warrant a cursory glance before moving on, but in this case, that glance took several minutes as I read what was there and it slowly sank in, in this listing were:

An old Columbia woman's frame, just that, a frame, no forks, bars, or anything, basically scrap iron.

A Ross Eurosport, nothing special there, some decent components that may be worth salvaging.

A Raleigh LTD-3, ok, now I'm paying attention, Sturmy-Archer three-speed internally geared hub, yeah, it's starting to sink in now.

And, finally, a Motobécane Super Mirage, which, from the description in the ad, was relatively intact.

So, I check the address and find it's only a few miles away, fortified with this information I hopped in the van and headed off.

Upon my arrival I made sure I was at the right address, I'd rather not take the chance of tossing bikes into my van that someone may actually want to keep, cops get twitchy when you do things like that.

I proceed to start loading the items in question into my van and as I'm doing so I start to notice things, like that the Raleigh looks to be in decent shape for a resto job and the Motobécane appeared to be in even better shape, I spent the remainder of my time there trying to contain my enthusiasm while making small talk and trying not to giggle like a mad fiend.

After a few more minutes of conversation I finally head home and start pulling things out of the van to look them over properly...

The Ross isn't much to get excited about, a woman's frame with some components that may go into my old reliable Huffy MTB beater, the Columbia came with a couple rusted wheels, one of which containing a ss hub with coaster brake that I'll probably hold onto for some unfathomable reason, and then the Raleigh, I looked this one over, the frame was still nice and solid, all the parts were there, and just looked to need tires, tubes, and some cables replaced to be usable... but then the rear wheel caught my attention.

I checked to see if the indicator spindle was till there, is it, this is a good first sign, then I looked to the hub proper and saw something that was the unpleasant color of old rust and grime, a thoroughly unpleasant sight.

Reaching in through the spokes I ran a finger across the surface of the hub and saw that what I thought was rust was just old grease and road grime that came right off, and when it did I saw a shining chrome surface with the Sturmy-Archer logo smiling up at me as if it had been waiting for me to find it all this time.

I have to admit I felt a sense of giddiness I haven't felt since christmas morning when I was a child, this was, to me, a most valuable find and I was annoyingly happy about it.

After a few minutes of maniacal chuckling I turned my attention to the Motobécane, and as my investigation progressed I noticed that the bike was intact, all the parts were there and seemed to be functioning as well as anyone could hope, it appeared that the tires just needed a bit of air so I made my way back upstairs faster than I have in quite a long time to get my airpump.

A few minutes with the pump and the tires were holding air, surprising since they appear to be the originals from when the bike was made back in the 70s.

After checking to make sure they were holding I started pedaling about the parking lot once again laughing like a mad scientist from an old Hammer film.

So now, sitting in the kitchen alongside the Mongoose commuter is a half-cleaned Motobécane waiting to go out tomorrow for a ride I think it's been waiting on for quite some time.

The Peugeot will still be restored, I've not forgotten it, the Raleigh I'm still deciding on what to do with it, and the Motobécane is going to be ridden till it needs new tires, than it may have to idle for a bit, but until then I plan on having some fun with it.

Bike porn will follow as soon as I can takes some pics to share.

The Black Baron's Random Fact of the Unspecified Time Period - #9

2008-04-11T17:35:00.002-04:00

If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 16, 1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles?

A Descent Into Madness...

2008-04-06T14:12:00.007-04:00

Submitted for you approval... a man named Jon Arbuckle.

Jon is a lonely man trying to find acceptance and love in a quiet American suburb.

Unfortunately, the results of all his efforts are schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and the empty desperation of modern life.

Gentle readers, I present to you... "garfield minus garfield".

Two-wheeled Weirdness: Up and Running.

2008-04-01T15:14:00.011-04:00

The Footbike I've mentioned previously landed on the doorstep at 1pm looking like it had survived it's long trek from Nevada.

The first thing I noticed was there wasn't much noise coming from the inside of the box as I moved it indoors, it sounded more like it was full of clothes instead of a Footbike.

This told me they had either packed it well or I got the wrong box, turned out it was the former, which was a good thing... I have enough clothes for now.

A few deft moves with one of my many knives revealed the internal workings of the Footbike packing department, it would seem they think their product is made of something akin to glass when one considers the lengths gone to to secure the box's contents.

And Moses was right, they had neglected to include a manual for the thing.

This wasn't a problem for me but I can see it being an issue for some of the less mechanically inclined out there.

Quite a bit of time was then spent removing packing material, tape, and zip-ties from the frame and components to reveal an unblemished pile of parts, which is surprising when compared to what you find when uncrating some of the other bikes you can get these days.

Now comes the fun part, putting it all together...

After about two hours of assembling, inflating, and adjusting (yeah, I was surprised at the time taken too) I finally had my Footbike and it was ready to go.

They had even included a bell.

Now it just needs to stop raining...

First Impressions Out of the Box

The Footbike appears to be using decent components and is a well made machine, though I'm not sure it's something I would pay $400 for myself.

My only complaints so far are of the nitpicky variety, a manual of some sort should be included, even one of those ikea type instruction sheets would do.

Things like cable ends should come already attached and the front brake cable should be already assembled instead of having to sort it out myself when assembling the Footbike.

While they had included an Incredibell-like noisemaker and reflectors for the wheels, it would seem that the Footbike doesn't actually come with any front and rear reflectors.

This is something they might want to consider adding to their products in the future since I do believe that in most locales, bikes are required to have them.

More reviews and observations to follow...

(I know I put the bar ends on upside down, I've since fixed that error.)

(And in case anyone is wondering, parts of the photos are fogged to hide the bomb damage in my living room.)

Looking to Trade Sharp & Shinys for Bike Goodies

2008-03-31T10:56:00.010-04:00

Ok, I have a set of these still in their boxes, I bought them a few years ago and now I'm looking to trade them...

Samurai 3000 Katana
Samurai 3000 Tanto

...for these, which I would have more use for at this point in time.

If you do the math, doing it this way will get you the set for about $30 cheaper than buying it from the site and I'll cover shipping.

If anyone is interested, let me know here or in the Shoutbox on the right and we'll set something up.

The Black Baron's Random Fact of the Unspecified Time Period - #8

2008-03-29T20:02:00.003-04:00

Donald Duck comics were once banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.

Two-wheeled Weirdness Redux.

2008-03-27T10:25:00.004-04:00

Two nights ago I got the shipping confirmation e-mail from DHL telling me my Footbike was on it's way.

So sometime between now and the 31st. I should be getting my new toy and then I can start the review abuse required to test such an item.

I've been informed by Moses that an assembly manual was not included in the package due to packer error but I'm not entirely sure if he was joking or not, either way it shouldn't be too difficult to figure out which tab goes into what slot.

I think I'll just go back to their forums and prod him into sending me one by snail mail.

The Black Baron's Random Fact of the Unspecified Time Period - #7

2008-03-23T23:09:00.001-04:00

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the 1989 Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.

At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers.

A minute later they were both eaten by a killer whale.

Geriatric Bike Porn

2008-03-20T14:44:00.004-04:00

Ok, instead of going through all the hassle of getting pics into a post here I'll just give you all a link you can bang on to go see what I have to work with.

Linkage (warning: lots of pics, not dialup friendly)

I'm quite happy with it considering the price and all and I can't wait to get it back on the road again.

A veteran like that shouldn't be left to rust in storage.

Wish us well, I think we'll be happy together.

I'm taking in strays now...

2008-03-19T10:36:00.009-04:00

Just recently I acquired a 1978 Peugeot UO8, this is currently the only pic I have of it but will add some more once the weather clears.

Found it on craigslist in the free section, of all places, someone was giving away this Peugeot, a Gitane frame I've yet to put a year to, and an old girl's huffy mountain bike frame.

So after finding the guy's place and dragging them home, I stripped the Huffy to fix my old Mt. Storm beater and then started in on the Peugeot, after a little research and a lot of help from Jim at Cycles Peugeot we got the year and model nailed down to a 1978 UO8 and I discovered that, aside from the missing shifters and dérailleurs, the bike was relatively intact.

It even has the original saddle and bartape on it...

It needs quite a bit of work, mainly cleaning and polishing as far as the frame is concerned, and there's a ugly kink in the front wheel along with a missing spoke or two.

The paint looks good aside from a bit of surface rust in spots and the decals are about 90% intact, and from a cursory examination the size looks right for me with just a couple minor adjustments to the saddle and bar angle.

I'm really looking forward to getting this 30 year-old veteran back on the road where it belongs.

Now, what to name it...

The Black Baron's Random Fact of the Unspecified Time Period - #6

2008-03-16T13:26:00.003-04:00

A cockroach can live for 9 days after it's head has been cut off...

It will eventually die of starvation.

Two-Wheeled Weirdness.

2008-03-14T18:58:00.005-04:00

For some totally inexplicable reason I should be getting one of these soon...

All because of a few forum posts and an e-mail I sent to someone that must be fairly high up with the company since he's giving away about $1600 worth of merchandise.

It all started with a forum post on BikeForums.net that turned out to be an unsolicited spam post by someone that was espousing the virtues of his Footbike and thought he was helping the company out a bit with some free advertising and instead garnered himself a modicum of abuse for his efforts.

After several pages of this enter Moses Aoki from Footbike USA, who explains what the original poster was up to and what his company was attempting as far as getting the word out about their products.

So after going back and forth a bit about the why and wherefores of forum etiquette and managing to keep his good humor about the whole thing, he offers first two and then four of the Footbikes to anyone that e-mails him with three reasons for wanting one.

So I sent in my reasons, which consisted of: I'd like to see if it can tow my BoB trailer, I thought it'd be useful for short local trips, and that it'd make a nice break from the norm once in a while.

After a few hours Moses posted that he would be contacting the ones that will be getting the scooters about delivery and all, so a few hours after that I had no messages and figured I wasn't on the list and posted such on Bikeforums.

About an hour and a half after that I checked my mail again and, lo and behold, there was a message asking if I was still interested in one, so I sent him my info and now I'm waiting to see if it gets here.

If it does, expect some pics and reviews to appear here.

The Evilest Scarf Ever Made.

2008-03-12T12:39:00.004-04:00

You're reading it right, today I took delivery of the evilest scarf ever made on this or any other world.

See it here and despair.

Ask nicely and offer her money and she may even make one for you... maybe... but don't bet your liver on it.

The Black Baron's Random Fact of the Unspecified Time Period - #5

2008-03-08T22:48:00.000-05:00

In the average lifetime, a person will walk the equivalent of 5 times around the equator.

The Triplets of Belleville

2008-03-06T10:54:00.016-05:00

I found this odd little movie about a year ago and, while not anything like a fan of bicycle racing, found it to be an entertaining picture.

It starts out with a young boy, named Champion, left in the care of his grandmother, an impressive woman in her own right, after the death of his parents.

While trying to find some way to cheer the boy up she gets him a little red tricycle that sets the stage for the rest of his life.

After employing what has to be one of the most interesting training regimens I've yet seen he gets into the Tour De France.

But during the course of the race he gets kidnapped, and then the real adventure begins...

This is only a short preview but I think you'll find it worth the time it takes to set up a Veoh account to watch it in it's entirety.

~~Update-3/21/08: Veoh has removed the video from their servers, the link will be updated once another copy is found.~~

Update-3/22/08: Youku now has the movie in two parts, links below.

Update-5/29/09: There are now more permanent links for the movie below.

Watch it now: The Triplets of Belleville

Or download the MP4 for later: The Triplets of Belleville

The Black Baron's Random Fact of the Unspecified Time Period - #4

2008-03-04T13:12:00.001-05:00

The word "lethologica" describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want.

Sleep is for the weak...

2008-03-04T00:53:00.012-05:00

Once again I find myself sitting here in a silent apartment late at night unable to sleep, so I'm going to punish you for it since it's obviously not my fault and you just happened to be around.

Today was yet another pointless waste of time in a seemingly interminable existence except for the fact that I was able to plumb the mysteries of the indexed shifting system and finally get my bike-shaped object to shift into high gear and be able to get it into low without sending the chain into the rear wheel... that's sorta important.

Beyond that I managed to waste some beautiful riding weather, leave a few tire marks on the kitchen floor, and realize, once again, I desperately need a repair stand so I don't have to try to work on my bike one-handed while balancing it on one wheel so I can run it through the gears.

Skills like that could get me a decent job in just about any circus but I refuse to wear tights...

*fires off a few Nerf darts at the TV while thinking of something witty to say*

Ok... I got nothing... though I just realized that I'm a pretty good shot with this thing, I'll have to do some custom paint work on it though, the yellow isn't working for me.

Had one of these given to me a while ago, though the SO thought it a bad idea, I, on the other hand, have found it to be indispensable for attracting her attention when she gets too wrapped up in whatever it is she's doing on her computer for hours on end.

I don't even need to hit her, a near-miss is enough to do the job... and I'm sure she prefers that to the pistol crossbow I used to keep nearby for special occasions.

I think I'll go out tomorrow anyway, rain be damned, it's not as though I've never ridden in the rain before.

I don't have anywhere to go and I'm going to take my time getting there, but that's pretty much the point, no?

Let's see... I also had a rather deep philosophical discussion with Hymie this afternoon, he's the skull that sits over there by the TV... We spend a lot of time talking, he's a great listener.

Oh yeah, one more thing... in case anyone is interested, I still need a couple bike-related items from my old wishlist, like the backpack, the helmet, and a real frigging bike instead of this bloody damn bike-shaped object I inflicted upon myself.

This 'no money' thing really blows goats...

And one more one more thing... SECRET PIRATE SCARF! (Juno knows what I mean)

Ok my little chitterlings, time for me to go pick a few flowers off the wallpaper and find a nice soft rock to bang my head against, Hasta la zamboni.

The Black Baron's Random Fact of the Unspecified Time Period - #3

2008-03-03T11:58:00.001-05:00

Isaac Asimov is the only author to have a book in every Dewey decimal category.

Too much caffeine + Not enough sleep = Implosion

2008-03-03T01:50:00.005-05:00

You know, when I first started this thing I decided that I wasn't going to do what I'd seen on a lot of other blogs... all the complaining and prattling on and on about how bad their lot in life is.

Much to my chagrin I found that if I removed that from the list of available subjects I didn't have a whole hell of a lot to talk about...

On a similar note, over on Tarik Saleh's blog, Moscaline, I took what amounts to a dump all over it... I should like to apologize to him for that.

I know that I could easily delete what I posted but if this was a verbal conversation I wouldn't have that luxury so I don't see why I should cheat my way out of it by hitting delete.

It just seems like I more easily loose what was already a tenuous grasp on my sense and sanity these days.

I do my best to try to believe it when they say that things are fine and there's nothing to worry about... I fail miserably but I do try.

As it stands, if it wasn't for the good will of one or two people I'd most likely be living in a refrigerator box right now and it's just out of sheer bloodymindedness that I haven't decided to snuff myself... not that I haven't considered it, but when I realized how many folks might be glad I did it, I crossed that off the list as an option ages ago and just to be a bastard decided that I was never going to die.

I suppose if there was a point to all this it would be just to get it on the record that I am trying, I'm out there looking, pasting on my best fake smile while trying to convince whomever is doing the interview that I wont kill him or rob his business blind.

Contrary to popular opinion, I would like to work and pay my own way... I'd rather not spend all my time looking at the same four walls of this apartment and get out and bloody well do something...

Ok... I'm really rambling now, this is what you get when you listen to some loon on the internet at 2am, a screen full of gibberish and the ravings of a sleep-deprived mind.

I'm gonna go pretend to sleep now and maybe, with a bit of luck, I can fake being coherent tomorrow... but don't get your hopes up.

And I'll bet you wondered why they call me Madd Marrock...

Later taters.