Had a life... lost it, had someone I loved... lost her, had a couple friends... lost them as well, had a job... that's gone...
It's almost funny how, when you think you're almost on top of things, the universe comes along and cuts your legs right out from under you... I've fallen so many times I don't think I have the strength or the will to get back up again.
I can't really see the point in trying any more when the result is always the same... someone much wiser than me once said: "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome."
I'm tired of it all, the trying, the failing, the pretending, the endless effort, the pain... living... everything seems to take more energy than I think I ever had, I'd really like for it all to be over and done with, now would be the best time, I think, there's no one to leave behind, no one to grieve, or even give a damn...
Hells, if I can find a nice, quiet, out-of-the-way spot no one would even need to bother with anything like a funeral... easily lost, easily forgotten, probably the best way to go about it, I suppose.
I know no one reads this mess of a blog any more so I have no problem posting shit like this... I can pretend like I'm actually talking to someone and what I say doesn't really matter... easily ignored, easily forgotten.
I expect that one day some internet archeologist might find this and give a passing moment of wonder about the pathetic excuse for a person that wrote these few words, but that'll be about all anyone will do... in the long run nothing really matters.
I'm old, I'm tired, and I'm quite useless... maybe it's about time I left this place to make room for someone who may actually make a difference to someone, because that sure as fuck isn't me.
So yeah... see you all around I guess... but probably not.
I need to go find a nice, quiet, out-of-the-way spot to do some thinking.