The last thing I remember...

...is screaming...

...and I'm not sure who it was.

The Alleged Van.

The Alleged Van

Ok, looks like my alleged van is dying a slow painful death, between the transmission that was never right to begin with, the fact that it now needs a brake rebuild that'll cost more than was originally paid for the blasted thing, I'm down to the point of having to use the parking brake to stop the damned thing.

I'm on the lookout for something cheap (as in way way under a grand) and in decent enough shape to pass state inspection.

Craigslist is proving to be as useless as usual, so if anyone in the Northern New Jersey area knows of someone trying to offload a cheap van, mini or otherwise, pickup with a cap, or even a station wagon, or pretty much anything that will run, stop, & hold a bit of cargo like a couple bikes, please shoot me an e-mail, especially if they'd be willing to let us pay it off over a couple months. (Yeah, I know that sounds lame but my options are just that limited right now)

I need something cheap and I need it relatively fast.

Another Tale of the "Hole In The Head Gang"... Sort of.

This tale is only "sort of" a tale of the Hole in the Head Gang in that it just involves yours truly...

Allow me to set the scene for you...

I'm driving along in my mucus green 1973 Ford Galaxy two-door... well it was mostly mucus green, the nose was white since it had been replaced after my aunt killed a VW Rabbit a couple years before I inherited the vehicle in question...

As I was saying, I was tooling along the highway at a nice sedate 65-70mph, minding my own business, while avoiding any law enforcement types.

From the files of the Black Baron: Casefile #090419 - Highway Hijinks

On a recent excursion for items varied and sundry, it was required that I make use of one of the several interstate highways in the area, a task I'm not entirely fond of on a good day... and it's been rather a long time since I had a good day.

It was during this particular excursion that I saw a sight that, once again, made me wish I had a camera small enough to keep with me at all times...

I came up on a family minivan appropriately loaded with various younglings and other animals some keep about their domiciles, which would explain the fact the driver was carrying a boxed item atop the roof of their vehicle, since it obviously wouldn't fit inside it with all the wildlife taking up room.

From the files of the Black Baron: Casefile #080525 - North Jersey Rednecks

A sighting on a recent outing with my primary lab assistant and minion, Ferrette, brought to mind a subject of much conjecture and debate in years past, the North Jersey Redneck.

Now I'm not talking about your average Jeff Foxworty fan or someone that thinks Larry the Cable Guy is the pinnacle of humor... I'm talking about the ones that drive around pick-ups with the rebel flag decals on them that cover the entire back window and have "The South Will Rise Again" bumper stickers or fly rebel flags from their houses when they've never been further south than Hoboken.

This past sunday my temerarious lab assistant Ferrette and myself were taking an extended excursion to enjoy the weather before the onslaught of the Memorial Day festivities that would take up precious space on our roads.

Along the way we were passed by a large pick-up truck of fairly recent vintage raised to ridiculous heights and blessed with a set of tires usually reserved for the more obscure species of farm equipment along with an exhaust system that would be more at home on the average semi-truck, leaving behind the stink of diesel, an afterimage of the silhouette of a chromed naked female, the aforementioned rebel flag, and a slight ringing in the ears.

After a few more miles we came upon the home that could have only belonged to the driver of this pick-up, we deduced this from the fact that the truck was parked in the driveway along with an Expedition and a Hummer (can you sense the trend here?).

Now here is where the North Jersey Redneck really shines, along with the usual Memorial Day fare, such as red, white & blue bunting and an extensive picnic arrangement, he had also festooned his garage with, to the left of the garage door a very large American flag, on the garage door itself an equally large P.O.W. banner, and to the right of the garage door a rebel flag larger than either of the other two flags.

One thing I've neglected to mention was that the name on the mailbox was Steinmetz... not what one usually associates with the rebel flag.

I've seen this and similar sights most of my life and after all this time I still can't fathom why someone from New Jersey would feel the need to try and make everyone think they're from south of the mason-dixon line.

Now I know there's a troop of civil war re-enactors up this way, they're going to be at the Long Pond Iron Works in a few days, but I don't think that justifies dolling up a pick-up truck in redneck drag and playing like you're L'il Abner.

Going from car-free to car-lite...

We're getting a motor vehicle this week, a '95 Ford Aerostar minivan to be exact, and I can't say I'm entirely happy about the idea...


Since 2001 we've been without any type of vehicle other than bikes and I've never really missed having to worry about the care and feeding of a car, but it looks like this is going to end.