Wednesday, May 28, 2008

From the files of the Black Baron: Casefile #080525 - North Jersey Rednecks

A sighting on a recent outing with my primary lab assistant and minion, Ferrette, brought to mind a subject of much conjecture and debate in years past, the North Jersey Redneck.

Now I'm not talking about your average Jeff Foxworty fan or someone that thinks Larry the Cable Guy is the pinnacle of humor... I'm talking about the ones that drive around pick-ups with the rebel flag decals on them that cover the entire back window and have "The South Will Rise Again" bumper stickers or fly rebel flags from their houses when they've never been further south than Hoboken.

This past sunday my temerarious lab assistant Ferrette and myself were taking an extended excursion to enjoy the weather before the onslaught of the Memorial Day festivities that would take up precious space on our roads.

Along the way we were passed by a large pick-up truck of fairly recent vintage raised to ridiculous heights and blessed with a set of tires usually reserved for the more obscure species of farm equipment along with an exhaust system that would be more at home on the average semi-truck, leaving behind the stink of diesel, an afterimage of the silhouette of a chromed naked female, the aforementioned rebel flag, and a slight ringing in the ears.

After a few more miles we came upon the home that could have only belonged to the driver of this pick-up, we deduced this from the fact that the truck was parked in the driveway along with an Expedition and a Hummer (can you sense the trend here?).

Now here is where the North Jersey Redneck really shines, along with the usual Memorial Day fare, such as red, white & blue bunting and an extensive picnic arrangement, he had also festooned his garage with, to the left of the garage door a very large American flag, on the garage door itself an equally large P.O.W. banner, and to the right of the garage door a rebel flag larger than either of the other two flags.

One thing I've neglected to mention was that the name on the mailbox was Steinmetz... not what one usually associates with the rebel flag.

I've seen this and similar sights most of my life and after all this time I still can't fathom why someone from New Jersey would feel the need to try and make everyone think they're from south of the mason-dixon line.

Now I know there's a troop of civil war re-enactors up this way, they're going to be at the Long Pond Iron Works in a few days, but I don't think that justifies dolling up a pick-up truck in redneck drag and playing like you're L'il Abner.

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